Hazel: "Despite the fact that this is a 'Part 2,' I again pause to say, 'It's STILL 'Dennis', Fuck-o!'"
...When last we left Hazel, she was trying to see again a beautiful woman or dude or whatever whom she'd seen on a stacked tower of cola vending machines one night but which disappeared of an instant...
Hazel learned, from a dumpy barfly that, to find the Cola tower, she should find the Don o' Guano...
Drunk Woman: "Seek ye...etc, etc...BURP"
...So Hazel went to the Northeastern University Library to find out about the Don o'Guano...
you know who
...A mouldy tome told Hazel that legends of the Don o' Guano went back to 17th Century Spain. Don Guanicci put down a Hapsberg Chin insurrection, armed only with a fish sword named 'Milton'...but he was rumored to have been fataly wounded by an errant chin arrow...
..but despite that rumor, the Don Guanicci continued to beat back the insurrectionist for 3 days & 6 nights (everyone took a break for lawn darts on Tuesday & thursday-friday)--
lawn dart players do it in the yard
Don Guanicci: "Hey, piss off, I'm changing.."
...but the victory cost Don Guanicci very dear--after the victory was over, it was learned that his twin sister, Donna Lindy Guanicci, was missing, & was never seen again--they buried an arrow-wounded corpse of a valliant soldier in the family crypt, & Don Guanicci wept bitter tears for all the rest of his days--Even his fish sword, Milton, seemed dis-en-heartened
Milton: "I know a surprising, if heavily telegraphed, secret"
Don Guanicci was so shaken that he cast out his former squire & chief errand-boy Valazquez d'Bonobo..
...Upon reading this last part, Hazel was agast!
friendly, efficient library staff
Valazquez d'Bonobo looked almost exactly like the mysterious & beautiful woman or dude or whatever!
Ye Really Olde Ale-House
cavalier's breastplate armor
Also, there was something going on with Don Guanicci's supposed mortal injury & his sister's disappearance that didn't quite sound right